False Intuition — How to know when you’re ignoring what you want.

I’ve been becoming increasingly aware of the idea of feeling “pulled” to do something.

Call it your intuition, universal force, God, a pull, a higher calling..

It all really just refers to that spontaneous, non-thought out sense of wanting to do something.

From the smallest of moments of when you randomly think of someone and decide to contact them, to deciding to do a full 180 turn in what you do for work.

What it is doesn’t really matter, but the feeling within most always requires a listening to.

But — here comes the thing.

This feeling, this pull, this “truth” is often so hidden.

Have you ever wondered why no matter how much you KNOW you need to train your body in some way, you still don’t do it?

No matter how much you know you need to have that conversation, you still don’t do it?

No matter how much you know eating biscuits and drinking a bottle of wine every Friday night isn’t great, you still do it?

We’re confusing beings.

But we’re not really, at all that confusing.

This intuition concept & thing, is awesome. It’s freeing, fluid and liberating as hell.

But the majority of us have 0 intimacy with our intuition, and are left with this confusing idea that “I just can’t do it”.

And when told to follow our “intuition”, “gut feeling” and all else, something not so great happens..

You can convince yourself that you don’t want to train, exercise, take care of your body because you’re “just not feeling it”.

You can convince yourself that you just want to eat chocolate cake, and you need to listen to that voice (and yes, sometimes — but there is nuance here).

You can justify all of your behaviours with how you feel.

But there’s a key difference here, and this is incredibly important —

Who you are and what you feel are two very distinct things.

You aren’t what you feel… although it often feels so.

We have little ability to access or act on our intuition when we’re so bound up in stress.

And here, our intuition often gets confused with impulsive desires, because it still feels strong, like a pull, like a want — but it’s layered and masked with exhaustion, trauma & an incessant need for external approval/gratification.

Reaching for something outside of ourselves, continuously, for contentment.

Intuition has a counterpart, aside from just stress.

Resistance.

And this feeling of resistance, often gets internally confused with the feeling of “I just don’t want to do that”.

But really, it’s a you’re not comfortable to sit with the discomfort of the resistance that occurs, when you do the thing.

For example..

The last 2 months, I’ve been dunking my already icy cold meat vehicle of a body into the River Swale (cold water swimming).

It’s pretty cold. In fact, really cold.

Now, prior to entering the river, I experience and notice a ton of resistance to doing it.

An equal and opposing force of NOPE I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT.

Now, I could say this is my intuition, and to just listen to my body and to not go in..

But that there, that resistance, that isn’t the truth.

It’s fear, it’s aversion to discomfort — resistance.

My truth certainly isn’t to be played and dictated around by fear.

That’s just a surface level idea of the mind. But further than that, deeper than that fear, there is a pull to want to do it.

To experience the fear, discomfort, the cold, the “challenge”, but to do it anyway without suffering.

To learn to experience them things without arguing about the reality of it, without resisting it, but just observing.

And to also gain the awesome skin tingling, energised bodily feelings afterwards.

I love doing it. I want to do it. It really excites me.

But layered on top of that, there is always resistance.

To look from afar, at “what on earth is that half naked woman doing in the river when it’s 5 degrees and raining?”, it can be interpreted that

“She must have 0 fear”

“She must be hard as nails”

“She must have 0 resistance to that”

And that then gives us this idea that we’re different and “just not built for it”.

But the above isn’t true. The feelings, the resistance are there — but there is also choice to give it power or not.

We live so much of our lives in this layered up state.

So, truly far from our truth of what we want to do, experience, be, contribute.

In my work, I’ve worked with endless women who come to me with the same belief of

“There’s just something wrong with me”

And that often causes them think that they’re truly helpless. That they can do nothing to change.

The main cause of this thinking, from my experience and from people I’ve worked with — is the idea that there shouldn’t be resistance.

And that the resistance you feel to doing something means:

1 — You just shouldn't do it.

2 — You can’t do it.

I have personally accidentally fallen into this being one of my main missions of existence.

To recognise this — and to follow it.

These ideas, beliefs, feelings, thoughts, more likely than not result in a sheltered, non-fruitful and expressed life.

Because we’re continuously bound by the mind’s ideas of what we can and can’t do.

The mind is incredibly limited. The mind doesn’t know or understand intuition. Hard thing to really get your head around, because the mind can’t conceptualise that which it can’t experience.

You don’t need to understand it.

But how helpful I have and am personally finding it to notice it, to be aware of this resistance, these ideas, beliefs, thoughts that tell me NO.

That I can’t, shouldn’t, should, should’ve, blah blah.

So the question this poses then, at least to me recently —

Where do you draw the line?

So ok, there’s things we don’t want to do, but that’s just now always a sign that we must do it?

No.

Our intuition, our gut, universal force, “God”, whatever you conceive it to be — also provides us with great insight as to when no, is appropriate.

When we truly don’t want to do something. You know it.

But the resistance is always there to admit this to yourself. Because it’s uncomfortable and threatening to our sense of who we are to recognise and listen to that “no”.

But what’s different, is when we don’t want to do it because of the mind’s limited ability to handle resistance.

People don’t exercise because they’re “just not motivated”.

People eat like shit because they’re “just not disciplined”.

People work jobs they hate because they believe they “can’t do anything different”.

It’s all just belief.

That feeling of wanting to exercise, to train, will likely ALWAYS be met with an equal opposing force and idea of resistance — of every reason why you don’t need to.

Why right now just isn’t the time, you’re just not in the mindset, etc, etc.

But as humans, we inherently know the things that are good for us, that excite us & what’s truly important to us.

And this strong resistance often pinpoints exactly what is important to us.

And often, exactly what we should do.

Like you know that conversation, them words, them boundaries you’ve been wanting to say to someone, for so long..

But the words just don’t come out? The resistance is so strong, so high..

But eventually when you say it, it feels like someone has taken a 30kg backpack off your shoulders?

That’s the sort of resistance that is important to notice, that’s your intuition shouting “THIS IS TO BE DONE”.

And the longer we deny that, we ignore that, either the intuition & pull outgrows the resistance and we think “fuck it” (and you speak) OR, you learn to always listen to the resistance and you avoid all the things you truly want to explore and commit to.

And you live a life of shallowness intertwined with confused dissatisfaction.

I always think about the idea of “enjoying training”.

Like, it hurts, it’s uncomfortable, etc etc — you know the story.

And people hear that, read that — and think “that’s just not me. I just don’t enjoy training”.

Of course, maybe it’s not you.

But — hear me out..

That strong resistance you feel to training, isn’t you.

But when you do it anyway, even with the resistance..

The resistance and all the ideas, beliefs, thoughts and feelings as to why NOT, gradually fade away..

But also sometimes, they never fade away.

But, you learn to recognise what it is.

The last 2 months I’ve been at the lake district probably every other weekend as part of my training for my next ultramarathon..

Up at 4am, set off at 5am, arrive at 6:30am..

When I park up, it’s still dark, I’m in my nice warm, cosy car in just shorts and a top..

And it’s freezing outside, I’m stiff from driving and tired from getting up at 4am..

It’s almost like someone, in that moment tips a bucket of feelings on my head that say

“aghhh but I’m so warm”

“I’m so tired”

“It looks cold”

“I don’t want to get out”

Resistance. Feelings of resistance.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t still get out the car, put my bag on, start running and eventually warm up and have an awesome experience.

It just means that resistance is there, and I don’t need to resist it, push it away, believe it means there’s something wrong with me, question my motivation, my discipline..

It just means that I have a mind that is limited in what it can tell me.

And it also means that I have the power to choose to let it be there, and to make a choice to continue anyway.

That is the most empowering thing about being these conscious beings — we have choice.

But for most of us, do we really have choice if we don’t realise we even have a choice?

Well, I’m not sure.

But — resistance doesn’t mean you can’t.

It just means you might need to be willing to expect it, accept it & to sit with it.

And the more you do that, the more intimate you become with your intuition.

And ultimately — your truth.

And isn’t that why we’re all here?